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The Recovery Honeymoon

Vince recently called my office seeking help for his struggle with pornography addiction.  This was not the first time I spoke with him.  A few months earlier he called at the insistence of his wife.  Vince had a longstanding struggle with Internet pornography use that spanned years.  We talked about his use of pornography and how addictive it ...

01 18 2020

A ‘Good Catholic Kid’s’ Porn Addiction, and the Need for More Leadership

My Story I’m a cradle-Catholic. The middle child of 7 born to a Catholic mom and dad in the Midwest. Indiana, to be precise. Growing up, Catholicism was everywhere. We went to mass almost every day and, if we didn’t, it usually meant hell was freezing over. I was homeschooled K-12 and we used Seton Home Study School, which means I was mor...

06 12 2019

Core Beliefs in Addiction Recovery

For many men who struggle with pornography addiction, their actions can be fueled by unhealthy core beliefs.  Because of deep emotional wounds, often from childhood, they have adopted the following beliefs about themselves: I’m unworthy of being loved If people really knew me, they would reject me I can’t count on anyone, even God, ...

07 25 2018

Abuse and Pornography Addiction

Growing up, Len experienced much emotional turmoil in his home.  It seemed like his parents were constantly yelling at him or at each other.  There was never any sense of peace in the house.  Everyone always seemed angry.  As a teen, Len discovered Internet porn, and it became his escape.  He would isolate himself in his room, log onto a porno...

04 06 2018

10 Tips to Beat Loneliness, Depression, Suicide and Loss of Faith

In his pastoral letter The Rapid Development, St. Pope John Paul II wrote about the internet, calling it “the first Areopagus of modern times”. He stated: “…the Church is not only called upon to use the mass media to spread the Gospel but, today more than ever, to integrate the message of salvation into the ‘new culture’ that these powe...

03 14 2018

10 Ways You Slip Back into Porn Use

I often speak to men who have had several months of successful sobriety, and then slip back into pornography use.  They often come to me feeling like hopeless failures, that all the progress they’ve made is down the drain.  These slips are common.  My advice is not to get discouraged when this happens.  Use them as learning experiences to str...

01 23 2018

A Two Step Plan to Stop Checking that Phone

There’s simply no excuse anymore to think that you are harmlessly, blamelessly, and reasonably checking your phone as many times a day as you are.  And, as an example to the next generation, when you spend time looking at a screen you are helping lead the way to their unhappiness, which is unequivocally linked to their media addiction via phone ...

12 17 2017

Recovery from Porn Addiction: Grateful Living

Often people who are enslaved by pornography addiction only see the problems with their lives.  They are trapped in a cycle of negativity and pessimism.  They live with bitterness, resentment, and feel unworthy of receiving anything good in their lives, especially love.  In Alcoholics Anonymous this is called “stinking thinking.”  Overcomin...

12 04 2017

Healthy Sexuality for Couples Facing Sexual Addiction

When I work with couples facing sexual addiction, they often question how they should address being sexual in their marriage.  Some spouses may want to maintain their marital sex life and others may want to avoid it altogether.  While a healthy sex life is important for any marriage, when recovering from sexual addiction there is much healing nee...

10 09 2017

The Three Tiers of Addiction Recovery

People often ask me what the recovery process entails.  Especially when dealing with addiction to pornography, there is a desire to be able to recognize progress since it is such a difficult addiction.  I often describe recovery as a three-tiered process: sobriety, inner-healing, and transformation. Sobriety: Being sober means no longer usin...

10 03 2017

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